Let me preface this by saying that Splash Mountain was done ok. It was raggedy and falling apart at the seams. Video compilations of Disney ride breakdown would be 50% Splash Mountain. The movie it was based on was something no one remembered nor was it something that should be remembered. The ride was on it last legs and absolutely should have been replaced.

With that out of the way, I saw the ride pov vid of Tiana’s Bayou Adventure and it was the blandest thing they could’ve done with this idea. There were only a few animatronics scattered throughout the ride, which lead to lots of dead air. There was just awkward silence where there was just nothing happening. Well, there was music and pretty plants but that was it. The story was nonexistent. Idk something about going to a party or some bs, then you get shrunk down and nothing happens, then you see the party scene the end. It is a dark ride and dark rides don’t prioritize story lines over atmosphere (thats literally the point of a dark ride), but I feel like the effort put in this ride was less than the effort put into your average dark ride.

I do think that part of why this ride felt so mild and low stakes is that it was focus tested to death. Like they took into account EVERY complaint people made about The Princess and the Frog back then and completely wanted to separate Tiana from her own movie but couldn’t be arsed to make up something new for her.

So when the movie came out:

• People were mad about Tiana being a frog for most of it. (Fair enough, she was and still is the only black princess and you barely saw her as one unlike the other ones. All I’m saying is in Swan Princess they made sure you knew the swan was blond princess lady)
• People were mad about her not marrying a black prince. (ehhhh… I don’t really care about that)
• People were mad about Dr. Facilier ether because of the Voodoo (no comment b/c its not my culture) or just because he was black and the main villain (Its shouldn’t be impossible to have a black villain. I understand you’re on eggshells because of a vile history of black people being villainized no matter what they do both in media and in real life but I think theres more leeway if he’s terrorizing other black characters.).

There was more I can’t remember this is long enough whatev. So because of all the complaints, they couldn’t just retell the movie (or she’d be a frog the whole time), they barely showed Naveen (apparently he’s there in the finale but you drift by that in like ten seconds), theres no villain whatsoever and nothing to replace him so the ride has no conflict or tension. You’re just drifting through a pretty atmosphere for most the ride. There wasn’t even a build up to the drop. And I’m sorry but could they really not come up with *anything* for this ride? Maybe a cat swipes at you when you’re tiny or something. The cat could be a reincarnated Facilier.

I also think thing they sort of cheaped out. Splash Mountain had a shit ton of animatronics and they ALL needed repair. That was way too expensive for Disney in the long run so they clearly scaled back for this ride. There isn’t nearly as much going on because of it. I’d like to thing the people that designed this were being held back as most creative people are.

In conclusion, Disney should’ve hired me to design this ride. I would’ve have re-themed it to Scrimmy Bingus